Dateline Vegas

What the heck happened to the MGM Grand?!

It used to be the one place in Vegas where they didn't pipe in Tourette's syndrome singing.

I mean, it was the MGM, and they stuck pretty strictly to that Golden Age of Hollywood theme. They had a life-size recreation of the hot air balloon scene from "The Wizard of Oz"! They had Billie Burke on the slot machines, for crying out loud! And show tunes. They played show tunes in the casino. None of this Mariah Carey Celine Dion Michael Bolton Beyoncé caterwauling nonsense. Those people always sound to me like they have Tourette's syndrome.

You put me in a casino with that crap, I feel like Audrey Hepburn in "The Nun's Story." Remember? She had to work in the insane asylum, and all the patients there were howling away all night.

Well, you walk into the MGM and that's what they're playing now. Hideous Tourette's syndrome-inspired "Nun's Story" insane asylum music. No show tunes. No Golden Age of Hollywood anything, except for some publicity shots of the big stars of yesteryear up on the walls.

And can you believe Jeff didn't recognize Judy Garland?!

Kids these days! I'm surprised he's heard of Ziegfried and Roy.

Kurt "big daddy" True
6 july 2005